Third Bog Along

by Tower of Wankers

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released January 1, 2002

Pete' O'file (Matt Moss): Vocals
Percy Cution (Paul Hindle): Guitars
Mike Oxlarge (Chris Hindle): Bass
Lou Kemia (Matt Richardson): Guitars
Cotton Runt (Kev Pearson): Drums
Betty Swollocks (Gordon Wait): Vocals



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Tower of Wankers Lancashire, UK

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Track Name: Third Bog Along
Third Bog Along

Desperate to dump no sign of sanitation
Crap overflowing from the chemical bogs
No fucking arsewipe, blocked up my shitpipes
Now I got beef with the handyman

Third bog along it's so fucking wrong

I can smell bleach but there might as well be none
I lose my mind in the third bog along
Shitty y-fronts for the filth to feed on
These portaloos are so fucking wrong

I'm in the third bog along, surrounded by shitty thongs
It's so fucking wrong, but where's the handy man gone?
Track Name: One Eyed Goose
Where is my one eyed goose, where the fuck is my one eyed goose?
I left him right here but now he's fucked off.
Track Name: Ringsting
Sting in my ring arsehole painful
Ate a fucking chilli, now I'm paying
Arse like a gay, loose like a manhole
With my fucking fart gas I'm burning up the ozone

It's a fucking man, staring at its man boobs
Nibble bits? You ain't touching my food
Waitress is a man, waitress is a man, waitress is a man
Waitress is a man.

Ringsting, I have a string in my ring, Ringsting

Pain in the ass, pain in my ring, pain I can feel before I'm breaking wind
my anus sore from the curry ingested, rectum prolapsed from my bum chums erection (x2)
Track Name: Back of the Bus

Paid my fare, got on the fucking bus, see the old cunt; laugh at the bitch

Back of the bus, back of the fucking bus, where I lay my face, driver's a poof.

Spazz at the front, in the middle an old cunt, I'm at the back, seats smell like sweaty crack.

Back of the bus. Bus. Back of the fucking bus.
Track Name: Beef Soup
Beef soup!
Beef soup!
Track Name: Peeled Onion
Why cut yourself? Cut someone else, and bleed them dry peeled onion
a layer cake of fucking hate, stinging you cry peeled onion

????? vegetable Satan, it's evil power is on par with nerve gas
Eyesore ???? On it's cock you will suck, demented vegetable onions are sick fucks.

Death by onion, by peeled onion
Track Name: Stoney Path
As I walk through the stoney path, I will twat you

To get to my house you must pass my stoney path
Bitch motherfuckers had best stay at the back of my stoney path
Townie nobheads can't go past, the stoney path
It will have the last laugh, my stoney fucking path of wrath

Surface uneven you may trip or fall, I hate this piece of shit
Which I call my stoney path, my only path, my escape from the gardeners wrath. (x2)

Watch your fucking back
Track Name: Biff at the Church
Went for a fucking biff at the church, sat down by some graves
it tasted pretty fucking sweet, no fucking way

Are you stoned you? I'm fucking stoned me.

Biff, Biff at the fucking church.
Track Name: Creepy Uncle Niece
Creepy uncle niece, she's got a real nice "piece"
Don't piss on my today, 'cause it's me birthday

Creepy uncle creep, your creeping up on me
What's the crack lads? I'll kick him in his nads

Big fat fuckers running for the ice cream
Big fat fuckers, gonna bust their spleens

Son's a big fat trucker, daughter's a big fat whore
Mum's a big fat fucker, can't fit through the fucking door.
Track Name: Crapple Pie
Big fat dump encased in pastry
Pinch of fucking salt gonna be so tasty
Take a fucking bite or I'll spit in your eye
Nothing is as good as my crapple pie
Fuck your bogey rolls and your shitty piss pasty
And your arsewipe slice 'cause it tastes so nasty
You don't need to bother going to Greggs
All you need to make it was the content of your keggs

It's Crapple Fucking Pie!

Water, water what hath thou donest?
I fucked Aunt Bessie in her big fat cunt
Crippled Mr Kipling, 'cause we're so sly
Now you feel the wrath of my Crapple Pie

My crapple pie, I stabbed my dick in your eye
Crapple Pie etc..

Tender, juicy, scrumptious, fruity, nutty, fuckass, I like crapple pie.
Track Name: Lovehearts
Oh, I 'adn't had one o' these in ages, what's this one say? (Fuck my ass?)

Fuck my ass. Lovehearts.

Love me, hug me, rub my clit
Marry me, Carry me, fuck my slit
Kiss me, miss me, feel my baps
Dis' me, suck on my pissflaps

Be mine I will suck your cock
Masturbate in my tube sock

Lovehearts are so fucking class, so piss off and eat one and fuck my arse.
Track Name: Paranoia Paranoia
Paranoia, paranoia!
Track Name: College Sucks Dick
Sly backstabbing pricks college is so fucking shit
It's a waste of fucking time why do you bother with it?
You will learn nothing, but how to roll a fucking biff
and if I hadn't got kicked out I would've fucking quit

College sucks, it sucks a dick

Banging on about your life, college is a waste of time
All the tutors fucking pricks, talking all their pointless shit
What the fuck do they know about choosing a career?
You could end up like them too in 30 or 40 years.

I got fucked in highschool, you fucked up my life
Because of you I ended up doing fucking time
The next that you see me I will hunt you bastards down
'Cause I'm the fucking teacher now I'll take your ass to town

Fuck off.
Track Name: Bob Must Die
Bob must fucking die

Die die die die die die

Creeps round the sofa where nobody knows
Little fucking bastard attacking the toes
Teeth are fucking bared, claws are fucking out
The only way to stop it is to give it a clout
Little fucking loser that shits on the floor
Little fucking loser it comes back for me
Fluffy is a dumbass, Mia doesn't care and skimmy is a fat cunt covered in hair

Bob must must fucking die
Manny manny manny manny manny manny manny bob (die)

Bob's a shithead, he must die.
Track Name: Quaker Oats Man
Oats man

7 am in the pissing morning, upon the horizon a new day is dawning
Pissed as fuck from the night before, when we saw a fat cunt fall flat on the floor
Maccys was shut so we were annoyed, when Quaker oats man appeared from the void, stupid fucking hat, stupid fucking coat, stupid fucking beard like he'd nicked it off a goat.

Quaker fucking oats, slit your fucking throat

He's travelled the earth, he won the world cup, stupid old tosser is making it up, stopping ourselves from laughing was tough, you've gotta have fun because backwards it's nuf

What the fucking fuck are you fucking talking about you fucking crazy old fucking fucker?

Quaker fucking oats man

Et defectus beard of goat, rectus dominus quaker fucking oats.
Track Name: Biff at the Club
Went for a fucking biff at the club, sat down by the bar, it tasted pretty fucking good, no fucking way

Are you stoned you? I'm fucking stoned me.
Track Name: That Fat Bitch
That's a huge bitch

That fat fucking bitch

She ate my fucking donner, she ate my fucking chips
She drank my fucking peppy that fat fucking bitch
She broke my fucking candles, she laughs like a witch
My house is fucking fucked again that fat fucking bitch.

You know why that is don't you? Because of that fat bitch

And then across a smoke filled room, entered the chicken man pie hat and all, as their eyes met the fat bitch licks her fat lips

Fat fucking bitch, fuck her (x2)

That fat fucking bitch

You know why it's fucking raining, you know why it's so shit?
I'll tell you fucking exactly why it's 'cause of that fat fucking bitch
Scuzz won't put our fucking songs on I'm so sick of it
But deep inside I know exactly why it's 'cause of that fat fucking bitch
Track Name: Kid on a Bike
Kid on a fucking bike

T'was about two months before Christmas when we were driving back
from the store of DVDs, the ones we had were crap
Dying for a smoke, the Richmond ones we like, we wound the window down to see a kid on a fucking bike.

Kid kid kid kid, Kid on a fucking bike (x2)

Stupid fucking kid, did a fucking skid, this is what we like, kid on a fucking bike.

The kid was going way too fast he peddled more and more, but then at last the dickhead fell his teeth smashed on the floor
We pissed ourselves to see his face bounce off the fucking deck, his nose was bust his eyes were fucked the fucker looked like Shrek.

Stupid fucking kid, did a fucking skid, this is what we like, dickhead on a bike.

Kid on a fucking bike.